By George - I think I've Got It!

hello....anyone? anyone? is anyone still following this? I don't blame you if you're not - it's been forever since I've written and if I were you, I'd have given up ahwile ago - but if you're still reading or checking in periodically - thank you!

So, speaking of giving up, that is a perfect seguay (don't think i spelled that right) to this new lovely wonderful place i find myself in! In my 'no more giving up' world. It's a calm place, where there is happiness, confidence, peace, fulfillment, energy, love, and truth; mixed in with a little of bit of science, physiology and common sense.

This time is different. This isn't even a "time". This is just it. It's my life and it's easy and it makes sense (even though you're probably scratching your head right now since this post is not making any sense to you)....but bear with me, and it will.

Those of you who know me (and have known me a long time), know that I have been affected by my weight for many years now. I like to think that I'm an attractive person, with a "good personality", who is funny, loving and cares greatly about her friends and family. Those are all pretty wonderful traits to have I think. But...there has been this one thing that I just could never seem to master/fix/figure out/resolve/do.....and that is lose weight and be a healthy size for my body.

Sure - I've lost weight in the past - but maybe 10 lbs here, 20 lbs here, 35 lbs once - but it always came back, and i'd find myself right back in that place i didn't want to be - feeling discouraged because i "failed" yet again - and not understanding why, since I was an honour student all through high-school and college (i.e - i am no dummy), I have a great job - amazing family (both immediate and extended) and the most perfect husband that i still pinch myself. I felt successful in so many aspects of my life, so why -- oh why -- couldn't I figure out this weight thing?

Growing up i was 'fit as a fiddle' as they say - 15 years of gymnastics, 4 x a week will do that to you. I had muscles and abs and was tight and lean and flexible and agile...I was in great shape! But when i stopped it completely (around high school) and didn't keep up with any exercise/sports regime - on came the weight - and....not eating as well as I should have didn't help matters.

It was a gradual thing - as it is for most people and i didn't really notice much until I could no longer shop in the "regular" stores. Nope - it was Penningtons, or Addition Elle or Lane Bryant or anywhere that had clothes over a size 14. I am proud to say I no longer need those stores, but I am still not where i want to be or where i know i will look and feel my best.

I don't want to be skinny. I want to be fit. But more than that, I want to FOLLOW THROUGH AND NOT GIVE UP. I want to reach my goal. I want to know what it feels like to be there - to be "that" person. I know what to do. I know how to do it. I have the tools and the resources and the support, and every single thing I need to reach my goal. I just need to keep that in the forefront of my brain at all times.

I think one of the things that held me back in the past was looking for either (a) a quick fix or (b) I was completely omitting something specific from my diet (i.e. carbs; chips; sweets, etc.) which eventually led to some type of binge; or (c) I figured I'd failed so many times before, why would 'this time' be any different - got discouraged and gave up.

I don't do that anymore. I trust myself in knowing I can follow this through. I trust that it's basic math - eat less calories than your body burns on a daily basis and move more to feel energized. I know how to figure this out now and have it be manageable so that I'm not starving every day.

I don't care if it takes a year or more - in fact - that would be great because it allows me to eat everything I want to eat and enjoy my life! I've never really thought of it like that before. I can eat between 1700 and 2000 cals per week (sometimes more depending on my activity level) and still lose weight. I think that's pretty friggin' awesome when you see these people on Bernstein Diet who are only allowed around 800 cals per day! I feel so awful for them - but ....that is the "quick fix" option - and I don't want a quick fix.

I love carbs, but I eat low-glycemic, whole grain "brown" ones (if they're the 'starchy' variety) and of course other carbs such as fruits and veggies. I love potato chips, but I eat a handful or two instead of a huge bag - and only once in awhile. However, if i really really wanted a whole bag of chips (small bag) i would still have it, but I'd workout a little more that day, or maybe eat a little less the next day. I am not a huge sugar-craver, but one square of the Lindt 70% cocoa chocolate bars is just enough to give me that chocolate fix. And - if i want 'real' chocolate - i can have it too- but not every day.

This works for me I'm realizing. Just since coming back from NYC and applying these principles, I've dropped almost 8 lbs - and it wasn't that long ago we got back. I'm working out 5 days a week too - Mon-Fri so that i can "take the weekends off" - and it's great!

So, when I say "by george i think i've got it" - I really do! I really feel like i have this sucker figured out and it feels SO good! I won't be "perfect" - I will have some slips - but I will not be 'satisfied" this time until I reach the certain goal I have picked out for myself. and i think i can "see" it this time, because of the way i'm approaching it. It's manageable, dare i say .... easy! (i'm sure that will come to bite me in the ass at some point) - but you get what i mean - right?

It's not even a number on the scale that I"m after, it's just something I've wanted for a long long long long long time and I truly believe that I will have it. I've always been adverse to the term "motivation" - I think motivation is something you gain as time progresses and you see the results you're looking for. I don't think it's there in the beginning. As time goes on, I think that "I" will become my own motivation. I already feel like I am, and so far, it's best feeling in the world!

Going forward, I think I will use this blog to post about this journey of mine. I will try to write about new things I've tried, or tips or tricks or what's worked and what hasn't - also, the progress I'm making, or any obstacles i've run into. They may be short posts, but I will try to do at least one per week. Also - I will try to take photos to show my progress and post them here (not making promises on that one just yet), but for now, below is a picture of me probably at my highest weight since I met Rich (this was at his cousin's wedding in Florida) and beside it is a picture pretty close to where I am now. The second one is not where I want to be, but I'm still proud of the accomplishment I've made so far. So stay tuned - and please 'don't give up'! :)