Would you like to buy some Rocks?

Ring Ring....Ring Ring....Ring Ring.....Ring Ring....."Hi..you've reached Rich and Lisa, sorry we missed..." Click.

That's what occurs in my house about 3-4 times a night during the week. It's them. They're out there. Trying to get to me. But I won't let them. I shall not succumb to the wants of telemarketers. I understand that they "are just doing their jobs". But I don't want them to do their jobs in my home - which is what they are in fact doing each time my phone rings. I'm a smart girl. If I want my windows cleaned, I know how to look in the yellow pages and find someone. If I want the newspaper, I'll subscribe. If I want to donate my $$ to an organization, you can bet I'll find out how.

It wouldn't be so bad if when I answer and they do their shpeil, and I say "no thanks, I'm not interested" - that they said ok and ended the call. But any good salesperson wouldn't let that happen right? So they start into shpeil B, and so on and so on. This usually ends with me just hanging up, which I don't enjoy, as I'm not a cold-hearted person and do realize they are just trying to earn a living and then I feel bad. So..usually I just don't answer (thank goodness for Caller I.D.) and that's that.

But it's getting annoying. I don't like listening to a ringing phone. So, I've decided on a new approach. Next time I see a 1-800 number or an "unknown" number, I shall pick it up. I shall say in my most pleasant voice "hello?" "yes...this is the lady of the house"......(pause while they do shpeil A)..."no thanks - I'm not interested".....(pause while they do schpeil B)....."as i said before, no thanks"....(pause for shpeil C) at which time I interupt them with my own shpeil, which goes a little something like this:

"um...excuse me sir...sorry, don't mean to interrupt you, I know you're on a roll, but since you're so keen on me buying this new fabulous water fountain you speak of, I thought that perhaps you may be interested in some painted rocks that I've been working on. They would look great in your garden, or on a window sill, or in a vase - you name it - I can do it for you. No, no, just wait....hear me out....I just happen to have a bunch ready and for sale at a very reasonable price. I could customize it to your liking, add your name, whatever you prefer...yes, yes, I know you were just trying to do your job...now tell me, what's your favourite colour? I'll paint the rock just how you like it...when would be a good time for me to come and show them to you? oh, and did i mention - If you purchase one now, i'll throw in another free for your lovely wife, what's her name? what's that? you're not married - no problem! kids? dogs? you name it, I'll paint it!....how's that sound sir? Sir? Sir? Hello?"

Mission accomplished. One down, 1000's to go. Bring it on.